[photo by Eclectic Echoes]

The Alaska Coffee Roasting Company (ACRC) produces, without a doubt, the best freshly roasted coffee in Fairbanks and– in my experience– the state. But the owner is, to put it as kindly as I can, a smug, self-satisfied jerk of a mini-tyrant who suffers from a short man complex. From what I have seen and overheard, his attitude is a combination of barely tolerating customers combined with deep regret at having to put up with them at all rather than just have their money magically transfer from their wallets to his. Thus the nickname for his establishment: bad man, good coffee.

So I had to laugh this morning when I came for my morning cup (I won’t even go into how much money I put in his coffers each month given that I stop almost daily with my son before school) and saw that the owner had gone to some expense to put locking covers over all the outlets so none of those malicious computer users could plug-in while using the wireless internet connection he ever-so-reluctantly provides. It reminded me of the time many years ago, before the days when laptops were common, when little big man told me I couldn’t plug my laptop in because it would use too much energy.

The power prohibition put into place by the Napoleonic roasting man makes no practical difference to me– I spend most of my time writing on paper and my netbook has a 5-8 hour battery life– but it’s just the kind of petty action that typifies his operation. I’m guessing it stems from the same reasoning behind his refusal to fix the wobbly, ratty tables that date back to about the time my son was born.

The funny thing is, these kinds of anti-customer moves only hurt the business. I’ve been coming to the Alaska Coffee Roasters since the first week they were open and I see customers come and go. Few of the lingerers plug-in (there were hardly any outlets to begin with) and the cost of those who do is minimal. Those who are here using the wireless are buying his product. And in this instance wireless is a low fixed cost anyway: judging by the performance he clearly has the whole place on a crappy consumer plan suitable to a household not a business, and I know the router he uses is one of the lowest-grade consumer routers you can find (if you can find it anywhere outside of closeout sales).

It’s strange to me that the owner of the Alaska Coffee Roasting Company understands quality product so well while his understanding of customer experience is on par with a 3rd grader. Here are some fundamentals:

• Provide robust wireless or don’t provide it at all. Providing free, flaky service is worse than no service at all. Hear me, Barnes & Noble?
• If the cost of providing the wireless service is too great (in this case the annual cost is probably less
  than the owner’s unfortunately form-fitting body suit he uses when
  racing his appropriately tiny race cars), institute a fee… there are plenty of easy ways to do so, including systems that tie access to a purchase.
• Energy use costs almost nothing in this case… a back-of-the-envelope calculation reveals that at the local cost ($0.1642/kWh) and assuming every available outlet were being used to charge a computer for 16 hours each day (a great over-estimate on every dimension), the cost would be well under $4 per day.
• Computer users aren’t the enemy. The real “drain” on this store’s capacity to generate turnover comes from large groups of casual talkers. Computer users rarely gather in large, sedentary groups. As I write this there’s a table with 9 high school students who have two small drinks between them. I bring headphones just to tune out the various groups of old-philosophers who congregate here to share their solution to all the ills of the world over their single small cups of plain coffee. People aren’t turning away from this store in droves because tables are filled (though on any given day you will see plenty of people walking in the door and turning around and leaving due to the length of the line).

And here’s the simplest rule of all:

• Don’t be a dick. Why squander the (remaining) good will customers have with petty moves that accomplish nothing except stroking one’s already inflated ego? Customers aren’t the enemy (your loud complaints and ill-chosen characterizations of the many customers constantly demanding an affinity program notwithstanding).

Bad man, good coffee, indeed.